What books would you take with you if the world was about to end?

Strange question, right? But think about it for a second. For most writers and academics, the end-of-the-world-is-coming packing list would surely involve some pained (though probably quick, given the bigger picture,) thought over which works to take from the family or work library.

The question has been bugging me since I caught an airing of 2012 – which, beside an awesomely odd performance by Woody Harrelson, some great special effects and an extremely engaging Russian pilot named Sasha, is little more than so-so — on the television.

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If a shambling horde has set up camp outside your front and back doors, it is probably a bit late to think about preparations for a zombie infestation.

Grab yourself a backpack (toss in some canned food, first aid supplies, whatever prescriptions you’re taking), as much potable water as you have canisters for and a pillow, and climb up into your attic or crawlspace … and hope for the best.

If the living dead have not yet overrun your city, you have some time to really think about what you will do to survive the apocalypse.

Only those who seriously consider the future and act to plan for it now have any chance at survival. And like I said before, as with any issue facing the human race – poverty, hunger, human rights, the environment — we are stronger if we stick together.

Here are a few things to consider as you craft a plan to stay alive:

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The zombie hordes have invaded our cities. No one is safe. The shambling rotting corpses are everywhere!!!! A zombie apocalypse has begun.

As the infestations spread across borders a growing number of vigilant citizens around the world are taking up arms to battle back the hordes. Our only hope as a species – as it has always been – lies in putting aside our individual differences in favor of cooperating for the whole.

Since the beginning of June, the world has been in the grip of an all-out “braiiiiiins fest” that erupted after years of growing Hollywood, gamer and novel obsession with the living dead.

Those of you who dismissed my early warnings may have been laughing then …. well you’re likely to find yourselves dinner shortly.

But don’t take my word for it. Examine the evidence yourself.

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 I got bit by a pelican this week.

Yep, you read it right … a pelican.

As I rubbed around the wound it occurred to me that this didn’t-see-that-one-coming experience is the story of my life. Any time I try to do something good, another little something creeps up behind to take a chunk out of my backside. You’d think I’d learn my lesson ….

So how exactly did I find myself dabbing a towel on my bloody calf from a pelican bite?

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What coffee drinker out there hasn’t stopped at the local convenience store to grab a quick cuppa joe, only to take a sip, spit it out and exclaim “this tastes like crap!” while tossing the offending item into the nearest trash receptacle?

Piece of advice … next time, hold on to your $0.99 cup of crap because it’s a heck of a lot cheaper than the world’s most expensive cat-poop-coated coffee beans.

Yep. I said cat poop. And yep, God help me, I am serious.

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Every once in a while (though it seems more frequently in this oft-strange world we live in) a story comes along that, while true, seems to be the work of Hollywood writers.

Case in point: Russia’s battle plan to save earth from an asteroid collision.

In this case – unlike virtually, every single Hollywood movie (…yawn…)- it won’t be the U.S.A. that saves the day. Russian scientists have stepped forward with a (vague) plan to send a spacecraft up to bump the asteroid off course.

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Just when you think the world can’t get any weirder, a story comes along to make you question absolutely everything.

Case in point: Peru’s alleged fat harvesting gang.

In mid-November Peruvian police warned the public of a gang of killers stalking people in the Peruvian jungle for three decades to harvest fat and sell it to the European cosmetics industry. Police named the gang pishtacos – based on traditional folklore of a tall, white male in a big hat who roams the countryside stealing the fat and eyes of unsuspecting travelers. According to the allegations the killers would cut off “victims’ heads, arms and legs, remove the organs, and then suspend the torsos from hooks above candles that warmed the flesh as the fat dripped into tubs below.” Police produced suspects who claimed a gallon of the human fat was worth $60,000. Sounds like something out of a Stephen King novel, right? Uber yucky….

But then the story got worse …. Within a week or two the cops’ allegations began to unravel as medical professionals and local journalists attacked the veracity of the claims.

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